Confront, decode, or quietly start interviewing? What three executive coaches would do with that sentence
The conference room door stopped just short of latching, and you are standing in the hallway right beside it. Your manager is on the phone with his own boss, and the words that reach you are about you: "She's not quite ready." You miss the question that came before and the answer that followed, because you step away, the way a level-headed person would. Sitting at your desk again, you have run the whole moment back in your head eleven times.
At 46 and holding a senior director title, you have spent the past seven months carrying the responsibilities of a VP without the rank that goes with them. Two weeks ago the opening was advertised to current staff only. Somewhere along the line, a decision was made that you are not prepared for the role, yet nobody has spelled out what preparation would actually look like.
SHORT Option A: Speak up
You step back inside. "I overheard part of your call. The catch is that you have just confessed to eavesdropping, which may push him into a defensive stance. Some managers respect the directness. Colleagues across the Sacramento region are quietly labeling you as both a concern and a contender who has not yet arrived. The advantage is speed. Within the week, you will learn whether "not ready" is backed by a genuine standard or is just an automatic reaction dressed up with a job title.
SHORT Option B: Explain
You keep the overheard call to yourself. What you do instead is pose the question you wish you had raised seven months back: "What would I have to demonstrate for you to see me as the clear pick for the VP role?" You capture his reply in writing, email it back to him, and then start working down the list. It costs you time, and there is a real chance the bar keeps shifting on you. What you gain is a written record. If the list keeps growing each time you finish an item, you will have that in writing, and a written record is worth more than anything you happened to overhear.
Option C: Covertly arrange meetings with employers in Roseville and Folsom
SHORT You make two calls. It takes energy you might not have to spare, and it could bring a decision sooner than you had planned. What you receive is leverage that is hard to obtain by any other route. Little sharpens a vague "not quite ready" faster than a rival who believes you already are.
SHORT Seasoned leaders' take
Executives who have been on both ends of conversations like this generally conclude that "not quite ready" seldom names an actual skill gap. Usually it simply tells you how at ease the speaker is. McKinsey and LeanIn's 2025 report found that for every 100 men promoted to manager, 93 women are, and that 80 percent of women want a promotion compared with 86 percent of men, a gap that narrows when women receive equal support. Tara Mohr's survey for Harvard Business Review found that women tend to pass up roles mainly because they read posted requirements as hard rules, not because they lack confidence. Saying "ready" walks into the very same trap, just with different phrasing. You hear a rule. He may simply have been reacting to a mood.
Those same leaders point out that Option B accomplishes little without a deadline, just as Option A accomplishes little without a precise question. The professionals who secured the role combined both moves: they requested the criteria in writing with a target date, and that same week they held one conversation outside the company so the deadline had teeth.
Local resources if you weigh Option C
The Sacramento region offers plenty of places to test the market quietly. The Sacramento Metro Chamber of Commerce and CREW Sacramento both host networking events for senior professionals, and the Women's Council of REALTORS Sacramento and NAWBO Sacramento Valley bring together women leaders across industries. If you are considering a move toward entrepreneurship or consulting, the Sacramento Valley SBDC and SCORE Capital Corridor offer free, confidential advising. A search through Choose Folsom or the Roseville Area Chamber of Commerce directories can also show you which local employers are hiring at your level, and the Glass Ceiling Score data shows which Sacramento employers rank highest for how fairly women reach management roles.
The decision
Everything turns on whether he is able to articulate the standard. Request the definition this week and proceed with Option B. If his reply is concrete and comes with a date, commit to working toward it. If it stays vague, or new requirements appear every month, Option C is already the answer, and the email you wrote will show why.
SHORT Your pick
If it were you, would you speak up, read between the lines, or line up interviews quietly? Vote below. Next week, from Roseville to Davis, we will publish the results along with the question most of you say you would put to him.