What a decade of "lean in" got wrong, and what actually moves women up
When their latest job offer arrived, fifty-four percent of women pressed for a higher figure. Forty-four percent of men did. The women still walked away with less. That finding comes from Kray, Kennedy and Lee at Berkeley Haas, released in 2023 and covered by Fortune, and it undercuts a decade of career guidance in a single sentence.
For a while, the "lean in" era seemed to hand us a tidy answer. According to that story, women lag behind in both pay and promotions because they never think to request either. Build up their confidence through workshops, negotiation seminars and pep talks about valuing themselves, and the gap would shrink. The appeal for employers was obvious: every fix in that story rested on the woman changing herself. The Berkeley numbers flip that around. Women are asking at higher rates than men, and they are still coming up short.
Source of the number
The research was run out of the Haas School of Business at UC Berkeley by Laura Kray, Jessica Kennedy and Margaret Lee. It tracked how people negotiated around recent job offers. The surprising part was that women negotiated more often. What counts most is that, despite asking, women still came out behind. One study can't settle everything. It doesn't prove women negotiate more skillfully or less, and it doesn't pin down every cause behind the difference. What it does do is rule out the easiest story. A pay difference cannot sensibly be attributed to a habit that women already engage in more frequently than men do.
Studies in other settings reach the same conclusion. Across several studies of the likability penalty, a identical request is judged confident when a man makes it and abrasive when a woman does. Put these two bodies of evidence side by side, and the picture changes considerably. The problem isn't that women don't ask. Women do speak up, and then the other side across the table holds it against them.
In real terms, here is how this plays out
Imagine you're at the offer stage for a role you really want. You've looked at three postings that list salary ranges, you know roughly where the midpoint sits, and you ask for it calmly, with reasons attached. The hiring manager promises to "see what she can do" and comes back with an increase of two thousand dollars, framed as a genuine stretch for the company. A colleague interviewing for the same job asks for the top of the range and lands close to it, labeled "competitive." You negotiated. He negotiated. Whatever the outcome, nothing you said during that call could have shifted it, since the valuation of your request had been settled before you ever opened your mouth.
Here is what that could mean for your own paycheck
If you've ever been told you need more confidence, pay attention to what that advice accomplishes. It places the gap within you, a place where closing it demands nothing from the employer. In a 2021 piece for Harvard Business Review, Tulshyan and Burey advanced a comparable critique of imposter syndrome, arguing that the label pins a structural failing on the person experiencing it. The confidence gap performs that same maneuver, merely dressed in different language. You don't need repairing. The workplace needs to be looked at honestly.
What to do next
Ask about the pay band, not about your own worth. Try something like, "What is the posted range for this level, and where does this offer fall within it?" Posted ranges are now required in a growing number of states, so the question has a concrete answer. Then ask the question that can't easily be dismissed as a personality issue: "What would it take to reach the midpoint?" You're negotiating with the numbers, and numbers don't come across as demanding.
Sacramento women have resources for this. The Women's Business Center at California Capital offers counseling for entrepreneurs at any stage, Women Lawyers of Sacramento provides mentoring and advocacy, and the Greater Sacramento Economic Council publishes talent data that can help you check whether an offer is in line with the local market.
When was the last time you asked, and what did it cost you?